Darkness
SEPTEMBER 22, 2020
Darkness
Migraine arrives
Holes in my vision
Blind spots
My words are gone
Anxiety spikes
Can’t spell made
Instead I write take
It’s not the right word
That much I know
Art Deco Neon blindness
My poor right eye
I’m scared
Can’t think straight
Words are jumbled
Heart pounds
Migraines fuck me up
Crying
I don’t want to be alone
I don’t want more chemo
I don’t like facebook
Or social media
I love old photos
Better times
Mini snuggles with me
Maybe sensing
Despair
Fear
It’s been an extra rough week
I tried to have a life line
Something vital
I could count on
A friend line
A phone line
But that proves too much
For people
I’m sorry I forgot to call
Almost everyone
One call a week
One call a day
It’s too much
So I call myself
Hello...
You’re not alone
You have you
Something is wrong
with my body
I say to me;
I have weakness
And neuropathy
And numbness
And loss of sensation
Loss of desire
Loss of motivation
This numbing of me
It’s hard to track
Tomorrow I will draw
Every area that is
-Not Right-
I will mark what is wrong
Drawing with lipstic
Up and down my leg
My torso
A real time body map
I will write a legend with
Lip liner and bare minerals
For my doctors to read
For big pharma to read
And cc: the FDA
Body Breakdown:
Real life Effects from 24 Years
Breast Cancer Drugs
Radiation, Chemotherapy
Surgery and Depression
Right foot numb
Right big toe numb
Bottom of right foot numb
Ankle feels tight
Right knee cap
Kind of numb
Pins and needles
Fire ants dance
Right inner thigh
Right quad weak
Right quad numb
Right groin numb
Right hip pain
Right pain right side (Slide to the left)
Back feels weird
Spine
Pain
Slipping out
And Weak
Stomach pain
Weak
Distended
Diaphragm locks
Right breast
Fire Ants march
Edema
Not good
Right arm skin
“weird sensation”
Shut the fuck up -
don’t you dare judge me
I never asked for any of this
Neck hurts
Degenerative disk disease
arthritis
Stiff and achy
Sleep disrupted
Cough non-stop
Air quality or lung mets
Allergies or anxiety
Pulmonary doctor hiding
Sends letters for money
But doesn’t see me
When I say I can’t breathe
LISTEN TO MY LUNGS
(george floyd)
Listen
Breathing
Coughing
Wheezing
Crying
Grieving
Breast Cancer is winning
The fight was never fair.
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