Trees

MAY 9, 2020

Last May my doctor said 6 months, maybe a year.  I stopped talking to the Universe. I didn’t ask for any signs. I didn’t ask the Universe for help. I just wanted to clean out my house and get my affairs as much in order as I could. I wanted to ease the burden for my kids.

Almost every day, I noticed yellow birds in my backyard. Gathering on the old stale wall fountain. Swooping around, undoubtedly to get my attention. Shut up Universe, I thought to myself. I don’t believe in signs anymore. 

Fountains are very finicky.  I couldn’t decide if I wanted to fix the old wall fountain or add a bird bath.  I imagined I’d soon be confined to bed. At least I could enjoy the garden view, especially the Birch trees, a favorite hangout for the backyard birds.  I also noticed that not a single bird was interested in the new bird bath I had purchased. They all still sat around the old murky wall fountain. 

From my bed I have a pretty nice view.  Peaceful.  I can see my garden and the old wall fountain filtered through the long graceful branches of the silver birch trees.

I watch the Birches every year as they lose their leaves and the tree fills with hanging lantern-like stacks of seeds.  Eventually these seed stacks will unwind and blow all over the yard. But before that happens, tiny brown finches, no bigger than the missing leaves, will fill the bare tree in the late afternoons, feasting on whatever bugs are now exposed. It’s a charming show right outside my bedroom window. Birds as leaves. Seeds as lanterns, then flying saucers and I notice the fountain needs water. 

Every spring when the Birches burst green again, they are a jungle gym for the Roof Squirrels. All afternoon the Birches host a variety of birds, squirrels and flying insects. 

One year a friend was over. We were in the backyard and she looked at the naked Birches and stated “your trees are dead”. With a great grip of fear in my stomach, I looked at them too, and wondered if she was right. Did the Birches die right before my eyes and I missed it? It had been a year of drought and alternate day watering. Everything in the yard looked a little dry.

I decided I would try watering them a bit more.  Every other evening, I would turn on the soak hose, quietly, hoping my neighbors didn’t see me breaking the water usage rules. I also started to talk to the Birches. Asking them not to leave me. Telling them I was sorry I had not noticed their thirst. 

After a few weeks, I could see new buds and soon they burst forth again much to my relief. I love these birch trees. They’ve been keeping me company for over 20 years.  The year that my friend thought my birch trees were dead, reminded me of something my mother told me many times in life. “Flori, don’t write the ending.”

So, while I am suffering, and I am afraid, while the whole world is suffering and it is afraid, it is good to be reminded. Take things a day at a time. And don’t write the ending. Because birch trees and people can burst back to life.